I wrote the original version of this piece, last year on Medium. This is an expanded and less guarded take.
I didn’t want to study software engineering in college. I first wanted to study English literature and drama. That wasn’t an option at home. So, I looked at the other things I had dreamed about since childhood – architecture. I put together a portfolio and applied to Bartlett School of Architecture in London. They hid the rejection letter from me and told me no. So, I fought them and the first compromise was computer-aided product design. I just wanted some art in whatever I studied.
There was none of that. It was all math, physics, and science.
I watched this video of Seth Godin yesterday, talking about rules he lives by. One of them is to blog every day, not because you will garner millions of pageviews or loyal followers, but because that’s how you develop your voice. You blog because you blog, not because you are doing whatever it takes to bump your stats.
It echoes Neil Gaiman in his commencement speech Make Good Art. You make art because it’s what you have to do to exist, rather than a project for the sake of a project that needs to go online and be promoted and be noticed and be shared until you catch a break.
Both videos have cut through a lot of my recent vacillating about blogging and making art in general.
So, here I am. Writing just for today. And making art.
I’ll spare you the platitudes of how life has been so busy, or I’ve been through so many changes, or any of that. I haven’t written in a long time, here, on this blog. The only reason is that my relationship with writing is complicated, not in the way that Facebook has now appropriated, but in that it was a non-relationship. Complicated could point at how I carry writing on my arm, as a trophy wife, but at home I beat her to death by neglect.
I didn’t write that novel I announced with much fanfare on Medium and here. I have been preoccupied with discovering who I am. Yeah, not rediscovering, but discovering.
I’m working on not killing you anymore, honey.
There will be no promises or announcements, no lofty goals or projects. I hope that there will be a public reconciliation with this thing I love and discard so much, writing – the closest I’ve ever been to a real relationship.